True, we did not get to choose our parents. The interesting thing about parents is that they can only give as much love as they have received themselves. If your parents were verbally and physically abused as children, then chances are that is all they had to offer you during your childhood. Once you realize and accept that fact, then you can begin to not only understand where they were coming from, but also begin to forgive them. You can cry tears all day to get someone to change their ways, but unless they make that decision to change themselves it will not happen.
As far as romantic relationships go, there are always signs at the beginning of a relationship as to whether or not it is a good one or a bad one. Getting married or having a baby isn't going to fix any relationship that is not good to begin with. It is your decision to continue a relationship thinking that it's going to get better. When your gut is telling you something, it is you who can choose to ignore or take action on that gut feeling. If you are trying to figure out why your life is the way it is because of a romantic relationship gone wrong, don't just look at the other person, look at yourself too.
Perhaps a sibling or family member did you soooo wrong. The one thing family members try to avoid doing is sitting down a listening to each other. If you would just listen to each other maybe you would discover the real reason behind what they did or said. What if they told you that something you said that you thought was funny really did hurt their feelings and they just never could think of a way to tell you. Instead they just went around hating you when you were just kidding. Sometimes jealousy, or a sibling feeling less loved is the reason. Listening, not just talking, helps family members to heal relationships between each other.
So back to the first question. Who is to blame for your life being the way it is? In most instances (other than natural disasters) it is you! You make your life what it is. Once you become an adult you can choose to let what others have said or done to you hold you back or move you forward. If your father wasn't there for you, then be there for your children even if all you have to give them is your time. If you experienced verbal or physical abuse as a child, then make sure your children hear only encouraging loving words, laughter, and get hugs from you. It is up to you to choose to be who you are because of what others have done or said to you, or choose to be the opposite because you know first hand what it feels like!